10 Important Lessons You Learn From A Heartbreak In Your 20s

“It’s been six months! Get over him. He has moved on and so must you!” This is what casual conversations with your best friend must sound like after a heartbreak.

You must be sick and tired of listening to ‘grow up! Move on!’ a hundred times a day because people close to you want you to be fine.But the feeling is indeed a most helpless one. You have spent months together, knowing and adoring every little detail about each other, and then the other person conveniently replaces you, without any intimation and the connection snaps. You feel like shit but the most important thing you can do is be kind to yourself. Remember that today’s pain will turn you into a stronger person. Here are 9 ways how!


1. Being ‘kind’ to yourself is of utmost importance.

It doesn’t matter if you’re a giver or taker in your relationship. You become a completely different person while dating. You change your sleeping pattern, your choice of white pasta turns to red, and his watering hole becomes your favorite too. But what happened to your favorites? In the process of being another person’s ‘right’ person, you often forget yourself. The person has left, so instead of regretting it, start valuing yourself more. Go on a long drive alone, go eat that chocolate mud pie you gave up on for the fear of gaining weight!

eing ‘kind’ to yourself is of utmost importance.


2. It’s okay to take your time to heal so stop being embarrassed of yourself.

Stop going on a guilt trip every time you cry over a song that reminds you of him/her. There is no magical cure to a heartbreak. Two tubs of ice-cream, a movie marathon or a long conversation with your best friend isn’t the trick to get over a heartbreak. It stays for a long period of time and you learn that it’s completely fine. But once you’re done crying, don’t cry for the same reason twice.

It’s okay to take your time to heal so stop being embarrassed of yourself.


3. You learn the art of gracefully ‘letting go’.

Realise that it’s better to ‘let go’ of something that doesn’t want to stay, rather than holding on to it. Never be ashamed of your wounds, they turn you a lot wiser and it’s you who will learn to pick up those broken pieces all by yourself. Your friends and loved ones will definitely try to help you out, but you will realise that the only way out is, the one that goes in. You need to feel the pain to understand it better. You can overcome pain only when you understand and battle it on your own. The person you loved is now gone and all you have is your life, which you need to sort on your own.

You learn the art of gracefully ‘letting go’.


4. You realise that your parents are the only constant in your life.

Yeah, we know how much you fought with your mom for keeping a check on your phone calls and who you talk to at midnight. Her endless questions and nagging about you being late have bothered you. For all the times you chose to ignore those family dinners and going out to your dad’s favorite place because of your dates, it’s time to correct it! After a heartbreak, all that could make you feel better is a drink with your dad or a close hug from your mom! Try it?

You realise that your parents are the only constant in your life.


5. It’s okay to feel blank once in a while.

You see days and months passing by, feeling nothing will make you happy. But it is okay to be sad or depressed. It might take days, or even months, to figure yourself out again but make sure you find yourself, mend every wound and become a “whole” person again who is ready to experience the ecstatic adventure of love, and is capable of accepting someone in life, once again.

It’s okay to feel blank once in a while.


6. The idea of forever is a myth.

All those tales of ‘happily ever after’ are fit for a Yash Raj film or your favorite novel. Real life is far different. After the person you love leaves you (yes, the same person who promised to stay forever), you learn that nothing stays forever. After they drift apart, you learn a lot about life. You learn that ‘forever’ is a flawed concept and being realistic is the key to lower your disappointments in life. Thank him/her right away, since only a heartbreak can teach you this in your 20s. You have limited time with everyone in your life and the sooner you realise it, the better.

The idea of forever is a myth.


7. You learn to value your friends even more.

Once you are in a relationship, it is natural that you become a little distant from your friends. Your school friends, your college friends, they all became contacts on your phone and WhatsApp because your life revolved only around one person! You learn that it’s important to prioritise. You learn that it’s important to spend some weekends with your best friends like you did when you were in college.

You learn to value your friends even more.


8. You discover that the only way out is the way that leads in, so feel everything your heart wants to.

You loved this person more than you ever loved yourself, and all hell breaks loose after the person chooses to drift away. You’ve loved, and in the best way possible. You did all you could, but what this person left you with is a void of a lifetime. Heartbreak is the worst thing to happen and there’s no denying that. But no matter how painful it is, ten years down the line, you’ll realise how it changed you as a person, and for the better. Yes, it might sound preachy but it is the truth.

You discover that the only way out is the way that leads in, so feel everything your heart wants to.


9. You learn to stop making one person the center of your life.

Happy news, bad news, news of your promotion, news of getting a pet, news of getting an autograph from your favorite star – being with someone makes you totally dependent on them. All you have done is spend time with them, creating innumerable memories. Your happiness started depending on them, didn’t it? Time to change that! When you are abandoned by the person you loved, you realise that dependency makes you a cripple. Never base your happiness on one person. Instead, learn to be the master of your own happiness. Do what makes you happy, even if it means doing it alone.

You learn to stop making one person the center of your life


10. You heal and you learn to love again.

It’s completely okay to fail in love. It’s completely okay to break up. It’s completely okay to take your time to heal. However, if you find someone again, don’t let go. It’s okay to be scared but it’s not okay to stop yourself from falling in love again. You deserve another chance to love and you deserve another chance to feel the ecstasy of falling for the right person. Take your time but when you’re ready to love again, forget all the pain, drop your guard, and repeat your previous mistakes.

You heal and you learn to love again

Keep your identity intact and make sure the person you fall in love with, falls for you for who you are. 🙂



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Abhishek Mourya

ज़िंदगी का हिस्सा है लिखना, सुकून मिलता है. कभी पन्नों पर कभी चेहरों पर, जो पढ़ता हूं लिख देता हूं. अपना काम बस कलम से कमाल करने का हैं